Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
