return my video game
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we should paint friendship bongs
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