So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
