Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
