Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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