we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
