Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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