I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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