Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's shark week go big or go home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
