16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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