I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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