does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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