Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
