Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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