They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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