Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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