Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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