I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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