I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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