So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
