His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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