I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
