I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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