so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
