the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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