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They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
