Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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