Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
