I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
