goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
