2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
