i don't like sucking hair
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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