Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
