Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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