He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
