Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
