so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
