my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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