The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
