I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im holly from the hills drunk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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