im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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