Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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