Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
where are my eyebrows?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
