foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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