here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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