She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
