new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize