Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
