he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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