well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
