If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
