he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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