I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
