I just gift wrapped bread.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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