somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dear god my vagina.
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