I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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