Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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