Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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