I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
