Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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