I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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