made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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