Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
