I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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