and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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