Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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