Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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