im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
