I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
