I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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